Not On Her Resumé

Not On Her Resumé

My Mother on a train ride with her oldest grandchild

This is a blog post devoted to my beautiful mother so I wanted to start it with one of my favorite poems (by Joyce Sutphen) that reminds me of her.

Things You Didn't Put On Your Resumé

How often you got up in the middle of the night

when one of your children had a bad dream

and sometimes you woke because you thought

you heard a cry, but they were all sleeping.

so you stood in the moonlight 

just listening to their breathing, and you didn't mention

that you were an expert at putting toothpaste 

on tiny toothbrushes and bending down to wiggle

the toothbrush ten times on each tooth while

you sang the words to songs from Annie, and

who would suspect that you know the fingerings

to the songs in the first four books of the Suzuki 

Violin Method and that you can do the voices

of Pooh and Piglet especially well, though

your absolute favorite thing to read out loud is

Bedtime for Frances and you picked

up your way of reading it from Glynnis Johns,

and it is, now that you think of it, rather impressive

that you read all of Narnia and all of the Ring Trilogy

(and others too many to mention here) to them

before they went to bed and on the way out to

Yellowstone, which is another thing you don't put

on the resumé: how you took them to the ocean

and the mountains and brought them safely home

~ Joyce Sutphen

My mother has a pretty impressive resumé as it is, and you could see by glancing at it that she is an incredibly compassionate person. As a social worker, she has spent my entire life working for children's homes, nursing homes, and hospices. Whenever people ask what my mother does and I tell them that she is the director of a hospice, they say "That takes a special kind of person." And Mother is a special kind of person, but she doesn't think of it that way. She just recognizes that everyone has to die and thinks that everyone deserves to die with dignity and in physical, emotional, and spiritual comfort. Because that's the kind of person that she is.

She is also the kind of person who, while she sometimes feels overwhelmed or stressed, is made happy and satisfied by doing for others at least as much as (and often more than) for herself. She is a naturally quiet and shy person but she never lets it keep her from doing what needs to be done. She has a fantastic smile. To other people, she is all these things and more.

But I think she is beautiful for all the things that she doesn't put on her resumé. It is not necessarily the specifics of the poem that I love so much as the sentiment behind it. Because my mother is a person who, though an intelligent and accomplished person who is great at her job, takes her most pride in being the mother of Justin and Caitlin and the Nonna of Preston and Nico. It's what she's absolutely best at but not necessarily something she gets credit for.

My mother does not know that she is a beautiful woman, something I know beyond question. Like me, she recognizes her accomplishments but is easily depressed by her belief that she looks fat and old. I wouldn't say fat. I would say comfortable. Because my mother has never put a child under the age of three to bed without rocking it to sleep first. She laid down with me until I fell asleep for a significant chunk of my life and would sing whatever came to mind. I specifically remember "Doe-Rae-Me". I still love how she can transform me into a child again whenever I come home, whining about some complaint, and she lets me snuggle up while she plays with my hair.

As for age, I don't think my mother looks her age (which is not old!). I see no shame in being old enough to have been married to the same person for thirty years! I think my parents are great role models as a couple and as parents and I always trust her relationship advice. When my nephews get into trouble, she doesn't fuss or raise her voice (even if they do!) She trusts in the rationality of children and explains what the appropriate behavior is. In spite of not always having a high opinion of herself, Mother is WONDERFUL at making other people feel good. She knows when to just listen to venting and when to be in fix-it mode. And she will stay awake or stay on the phone however long it takes to start feeling better. And she has always told us how amazing and beautiful we are.

This is what I want to say to my mother: You tell me I am wonderful and beautiful but I came from you. You created me and raised me (with help, of course) so the only logical conclusion is that you are wonderful and beautiful too. In fact, here's something else that you won't put on your resumé: you are unquestionably the most beautiful woman I know.

me and my mother!

P.S. Mother also has a passion for music and is, frankly, more "hip" than I am. She is forever introducing me to great music and musicians. Here's one of my favorite songs that she recently sent to me.