A Post In Which the Author Channels the Dictionary

 

On March 25th Gloria Steinem turned eighty years old, an event that sparked a great deal of examination of the feminist movement. I think it is difficult for a woman my age to imagine an America before her incredible influence. After all, we have Women's History Month and Ms. Magazine and the Internet is happily overflowing with articles encouraging body appreciation like this one. Still, the more I read, the more I think we need a new word to replace "feminism": a word that more effectively describes what we actually believe and want.

I'm pretty sure that's not about to happen though, so I will just have to explain the less effective word. Reading about Gloria Steinem, I was reminded of two opposing thoughts I have held about the term "feminist" in the last several years, both of them inaccurate. The older of the two thoughts was "I don't dare call myself a feminist or people will think I hate men." This is ridiculous on a number of levels. Feminists do not go around calling men "the enemy". (That is a title we reserve for Rush Limbaugh, for obvious reasons) We do not think that women are superior to men. We simply wish to have the same opportunities and respect as men. Joss Whedon made a great speech (which you can watch here) in which he dissected the term "feminist". His primary dislike of the word came from the fact that "you can't be born an 'ist'". This suffix is used to denote a person who subscribes to a certain belief system or practices a certain activity: botanist, Baptist, sexist. This misleading little "ist" gives the impression that equality for men and women is not a natural state. Obviously an untruth. So here's my first definition:

Feminism - 1. n.  the belief that equality is equality is equality and everybody deserves it regardless of genetic makeup.

The International Men's March to Stop Rape,
Sexual Assault, and Gender Violence

Clearly my fear of being perceived as a "man-hater" was irrational but also seems to be shared. According to a 2013 HuffPost/YouGov poll, only 20% of Americans consider themselves feminists though 82% believe in gender equality. This seems largely to result from a belief that "feminist" has a negative connotation, especially for men. Unfortunately, there are actually real people out in the world who believe that feminists are either lesbians or ugly women who can't manage to land a boyfriend. Well, the whole point of feminism is not to be defined by our sexuality and I don't believe in ugly women so we're just going to move on from that load of [insert unprintable word of your choice]. In reality, feminism is not only beneficial to all women but to men too! My fiancé is an aspiring opera singer with the soul of a poet and an intense dislike for all sports. I imagine he has felt "unmanly" around his buffer, more athletic (but far less loveable) counterparts as many times as I have felt unfeminine by my inability to put on eyeliner.

I'm not stupid or naïve, by the way. I am aware that men and women have different anatomies and hormones and these differences cause them to feel and experience the world in different ways. But this is just genetics doing its thing, not a requirement. However, our society seems to think that men (n. an adult human male) and women (n. an adult human female) are supposed to behave in very specific ways. These are constructs, however, not the natural state of things. I say this with confidence because I have had the good fortune to watch two little boys grow from tiny balls of fat desirous primarily of food and warmth into tiny people with proper little thoughts about dinosaurs, the ocean, and Doctor Who. My youngest nephew, Nico, has a toy kitchen which he adores. He likes to wash his plastic dishes when his Daddy washes the real dishes. Preston, his six-year-old brother, found two mystery Lego people in his Christmas stocking. He opened each package to find a Lego alien in one and a Lego fairy in the other. I do not exaggerate when I say that Presto seemed to think that both Lego figures held equal amounts of awesome.

I want Preston, Nico, and my own future children to dress in a way that makes them feel expressive, play with toys that educate and inspire joy, and pursue subjects, careers, and activities that sustain them physically, mentally, and emotionally. Whether or not these things lead them down a path that conforms to society's definition of masculinity is completely irrelevant to me, which brings me to my second definition of feminism:

Feminism 2) n. the belief that a person is a person is a person and everyone deserves to be treated as such regardless of personal preference.

This brings me to my second inaccurate thought regarding feminism, which was "I can't quite grad school because I write a feminist blog." As if feminism can only be represented and advocated by "driven" or "strong" or "successful" women. (Of course, all of those words are problematic but I'll get to that.) This idea is nearly as bad as the belief that feminism is for ugly women because it is the idea that a feminist has to be a certain type of woman.

In this article, Shannon Kelley credits Gloria Steinem with "showing us that feminists can be funny and get manicures." I like manicures and shopping and pretty dresses. It's kind of crazy, but I actually feel exactly the same about gender equality when I'm looking and feeling "feminine" as when I'm sans make-up and jewelry. Stunningly, my mental capacity is the same too. Being a feminist is not about acting like a man, which is more likely to inspire accusations of being bossy or controlling than respect.

Feminism 3) n. The belief that people should be taken seriously as a result of their abilities regardless of appearance or refusal to conform to stereotypes.

Steinem also redefined the idea that women are supposed to get married and have children, which is a wonderful thing. Marriage and procreation is not something that all men and women want, and no one should be pressured into a forever that they don't want. I personally am excited about getting married in a pretty white dress and I would like to raise some children one day (with equal help from Austin, of course). I have absolutely no interest in running a business, getting a PhD, being an Olympian, or any of the other awesome things that we see women in the news for. My passions and abilities seem to be leading me toward fields that are largely dominated by women. This does not make me feel like a failure as a feminist. This makes me feel like an incredibly strong, independent, and successful woman because I am taking steps to achieve the things that I know make me feel happy and fulfilled.

Feminism 4) n. the state of being true to oneself. 5) n. a word that describes the natural human state

Gloria Steinem has done tremendous things for American women, but we are a long way from thinking that feminism is cool. I admit, it's not the most self-explanatory of words but put it next to postmodern and it looks oh-so-friendly. Unfortunately, it's a word we still need but I hope not for too much longer. Take a lesson from your friendly neighborhood historian: inequality is sooooo last century.

Feminism 6) n. a word that describes the way things ought to be

Feminist graffiti on an offensive advertisement, 1979