Dustin Hoffman: An Interesting Woman

Dustin Hoffman: An Interesting Woman

The Beautiful Rachel Gonia sent me this video, and it simply must be watched! It is enlightening for men and women and really touching. In an interview for the American Film Institute, Dustin Hoffman talks about his experience making the comedy, Tootsie. Tootsie is a hilarious film about an unemployed actor who pretends to be a woman to get a job and ends up as a powerful and inspirational character on a popular soap opera

Hoffman discusses how he had makeup tests done to see if he could realistically be made to look like a woman. When he saw footage of himself as a woman, Hoffman asked the makeup artists to make him more attractive. When told they had made him as beautiful as possible, he had a revelation. He recounts tearfully telling his wife that he believed he was "an interesting woman." In spite of this, he would never have approached himself at a party or asked himself on a date because he did not meet society's standards for beauty. He then makes a profound and emotional statement: "There's too many interesting women I have not had the experience to know in this life because I have been brainwashed."

Wow.

Dustin Hoffman, in Tootsie

First of all, I must say something about Ms. Rachel. She is a busy and accomplished lady! She is the pastor of her own church, the wife of a pastor, and the mother of a beautiful daughter. She has also been involved in gleaning ministries and promoter of a healthier congregation. The last time I remember seeing Ms. Rachel, I was a freshman in college (that was 6 years ago). However, I emailed her several times throughout college with theological questions and concerns and she always sent back long, detailed, and well-thought out responses. Just last fall, I needed a bit of extra encouragement and she emailed again - those long, thoughtful responses that let me know my concerns and questions were valid and worthy of serious answers. When I started writing this blog and published it on my facebook page, she started sharing links that might be of interest.

Ms. Rachel sent this video to me in a link that was titled "Dustin Hoffman breaks down crying explaining something that every woman sadly already experienced." It's great because Dustin Hoffman is a wonderful actor and it's wonderful to hear him advocating for women.

But I love it most because it is so true and so relatable. I have never felt that I conformed to society's idea of what a woman should be. It is not simply that I feel chubby but that I am also a shy person with a heavy dose of introversion. In high school, I often felt like "the single friend" to my best friends whom I found prettier and more social than me. It's not that there was anyone at my high school that interested me. But one does want to be wanted. To hear Austin's version of it, high school seems to be fairly traumatic for all involved, guys and girls alike! However, my point here is this: as a teenage girl, the thing I felt my value depended on was being found attractive by teenage boys. This is the same girl, by the way, who took AP courses, read voraciously between classes, and got a scholarship to a private liberal arts college. I wish I could tell her a thing or two now.

Except, I didn't exactly stop thinking that way when I graduated from high school. Now I have a boyfriend, and, hard as I seem to try, he doesn't appear to be going anywhere. But I still have ideas about what a woman should be, and I still feel somehow inferior when I don't meet those "requirements". 

A year and a half ago, my very dear friend and college roommate asked me to be a bridesmaid in her wedding. I was positively thrilled and honored. However, the closer it got to her wedding day, the more nervous I became. I was painfully aware that I'm hopeless with doing hair and have no idea how to do formal makeup. I felt nervous and stressed. But, most of all, I felt bad about myself: not fat or ugly but something much worse. I felt like a failure as a woman because hair spray and a curling iron were foreign instruments to me.

That day I was rescued by none other than the beautiful bride herself. In the midst of having her own hair and makeup done, getting into her dress, having pictures made, and doing general bride stuff, April, who knew about my irrational concerns, made sure one of her other friends took care of everything. She also complimented me several times on how nice I looked. So, thank you, April McArdle, for making me feel beautiful on YOUR wedding day :)

Hopefully, the next bride will have an easier time of it. Because now I know that those are not the things that make us women or beautiful. Many of my friends are great with makeup and have a lot of fun with creative and artistic styles. This doesn't make them vain or shallow. That is not the point I am making here. The point is, they ENJOY it. It is an artistic outlet. I don't feel that way. I find it to be generally tedious. It is not something that I value enough to spend my precious time doing. And it is positively silly to get worked up about something that I don't care enough about to learn how to do in the first place.

Dustin Hoffman is right. As a man, he was brainwashed into believing women were supposed to look and be a certain way. And that's an important issue that needs to be addressed, but I am much more concerned with how we women brainwash ourselves. Why are we so obsessed with these features of femininity? What exactly is so special about a pretty face and flowing locks? I am a woman because I was born that way, along with about 50 percent of the rest of the world's population.

But I am me because of a million tiny factors that came together in a completely unique way, turning me into me. It's an amazing and painful and wonderful process called childhood and college and grad school and friendship and falling in love. It's what makes me beautiful.