Goodness and Truth

Goodness and Truth

 

Eric Gill, An Essay on Typography

 

Wow! The beautiful women I have encountered this week have given me some great material! I won't cover all of it in this post because of time constraints. However, I did want to write a quick entry today.

 

The first beautiful woman I encountered this week was a woman who works at the local public library. I do not know her name, but as she was checking out my items, I complimented her red and black earrings. I didn't pay much attention to the colors of her outfit as a whole but I thought they were a cool shape. She thanked me and explained that red and black are her "power colors". "I always wear one of my power colors on Monday," she explained cheerfully. "Today I decided I would wear both of them." That ended our exchange and it doesn't sound like much, but I felt inspired.

I find it so easy to feel overwhelmed by the stresses of the week to the point of feeling powerless. But this woman reminded me that a human being is a powerful thing. A woman is a powerful thing. We only need to remember it ourselves. I am smart enough and experienced enough to take on any challenges that come my way. And these challenges will only make me smarter and more experienced, further preparing me for the next thing. 

 

Beautiful women recognize the strength and power within them. And they help others to find the power and worth in themselves as well.

 

Which brings me to my second encounter with beauty this week. My friend Kacey Werle posted the following statement on her facebook page:

 

"Was told by a barista at Starbucks that I am the politest person she has served in months. This little compliment made me happy because I make it a point to be kind in my transactions with people, but sad too. Why are we so unkind to those who perform a service to us? They make pennies and if their attitude is less than amazing maybe the person before you brought them down by being less than kind. You might be the nicest person someone deals with today so make an effort everybody." 



 

 What a great reminder! To makes others feel that they are less attractive, less powerful, or less valuable than ourselves (intentionally or not!) does not enhance our own beauty, strength, or worth. Rather, I believe it has the opposite effect. While I am never intentionally rude to anyone, I am often so focused on my own thoughts and world when checking out at the grocery store and walking across campus that I hardly notice the people around me. Well, we all deserve to be noticed because we are all beautiful in our way.

 

I will end with the same quote I began with : "If you look after goodness and truth beauty will take care of itself." 

 

So, my friends, know your strength, wear your power colors, and always be kinder than necessary 

 



Not On Her Resumé

Not On Her Resumé

My Mother on a train ride with her oldest grandchild

This is a blog post devoted to my beautiful mother so I wanted to start it with one of my favorite poems (by Joyce Sutphen) that reminds me of her.

Things You Didn't Put On Your Resumé

How often you got up in the middle of the night

when one of your children had a bad dream

and sometimes you woke because you thought

you heard a cry, but they were all sleeping.

so you stood in the moonlight 

just listening to their breathing, and you didn't mention

that you were an expert at putting toothpaste 

on tiny toothbrushes and bending down to wiggle

the toothbrush ten times on each tooth while

you sang the words to songs from Annie, and

who would suspect that you know the fingerings

to the songs in the first four books of the Suzuki 

Violin Method and that you can do the voices

of Pooh and Piglet especially well, though

your absolute favorite thing to read out loud is

Bedtime for Frances and you picked

up your way of reading it from Glynnis Johns,

and it is, now that you think of it, rather impressive

that you read all of Narnia and all of the Ring Trilogy

(and others too many to mention here) to them

before they went to bed and on the way out to

Yellowstone, which is another thing you don't put

on the resumé: how you took them to the ocean

and the mountains and brought them safely home

~ Joyce Sutphen

My mother has a pretty impressive resumé as it is, and you could see by glancing at it that she is an incredibly compassionate person. As a social worker, she has spent my entire life working for children's homes, nursing homes, and hospices. Whenever people ask what my mother does and I tell them that she is the director of a hospice, they say "That takes a special kind of person." And Mother is a special kind of person, but she doesn't think of it that way. She just recognizes that everyone has to die and thinks that everyone deserves to die with dignity and in physical, emotional, and spiritual comfort. Because that's the kind of person that she is.

She is also the kind of person who, while she sometimes feels overwhelmed or stressed, is made happy and satisfied by doing for others at least as much as (and often more than) for herself. She is a naturally quiet and shy person but she never lets it keep her from doing what needs to be done. She has a fantastic smile. To other people, she is all these things and more.

But I think she is beautiful for all the things that she doesn't put on her resumé. It is not necessarily the specifics of the poem that I love so much as the sentiment behind it. Because my mother is a person who, though an intelligent and accomplished person who is great at her job, takes her most pride in being the mother of Justin and Caitlin and the Nonna of Preston and Nico. It's what she's absolutely best at but not necessarily something she gets credit for.

My mother does not know that she is a beautiful woman, something I know beyond question. Like me, she recognizes her accomplishments but is easily depressed by her belief that she looks fat and old. I wouldn't say fat. I would say comfortable. Because my mother has never put a child under the age of three to bed without rocking it to sleep first. She laid down with me until I fell asleep for a significant chunk of my life and would sing whatever came to mind. I specifically remember "Doe-Rae-Me". I still love how she can transform me into a child again whenever I come home, whining about some complaint, and she lets me snuggle up while she plays with my hair.

As for age, I don't think my mother looks her age (which is not old!). I see no shame in being old enough to have been married to the same person for thirty years! I think my parents are great role models as a couple and as parents and I always trust her relationship advice. When my nephews get into trouble, she doesn't fuss or raise her voice (even if they do!) She trusts in the rationality of children and explains what the appropriate behavior is. In spite of not always having a high opinion of herself, Mother is WONDERFUL at making other people feel good. She knows when to just listen to venting and when to be in fix-it mode. And she will stay awake or stay on the phone however long it takes to start feeling better. And she has always told us how amazing and beautiful we are.

This is what I want to say to my mother: You tell me I am wonderful and beautiful but I came from you. You created me and raised me (with help, of course) so the only logical conclusion is that you are wonderful and beautiful too. In fact, here's something else that you won't put on your resumé: you are unquestionably the most beautiful woman I know.

me and my mother!

P.S. Mother also has a passion for music and is, frankly, more "hip" than I am. She is forever introducing me to great music and musicians. Here's one of my favorite songs that she recently sent to me.

Irrelevent

Irrelevent

Dove's Real Beauty Sketch Ad

In May 2013, Laurie Penny wrote an article for the New Statesman titled "I don't want to be told I'm pretty as I am - I want to live in a world where that's irrelevant." It's a very interesting article (found here) in which Penny discusses beauty and cosmetics advertising campaigns that seem to combat stereotypes about women while actually reinforcing them. 

For example, she talks about Unilever, the company that owns both Dove and manufactures Axe/Lynx deodorant (It's the same product, called Lynx in the UK and Axe everywhere else). Here is Dove's new ad campaign in which a sketch artist draws women the way they describe themselves and again the way they are described by others. The message: you are more attractive than you think you are. 

The Axe Ad

Now here is an ad for Axe/Lynx deodorant in which a mob of sexy women in bikinis rush a man spraying himself with the product. The message here is equally obvious: use this deodorant and beautiful women will want you. Now I presume that most men are not stupid enough to believe that their deodorant brand can really influence their sex life (because this ad is not about dating or relationships. It is unquestionably about sex.) However, the two ad campaigns - both created under the same company - speak volumes about what is known as the "double standard" associated with gender.

The Dove ad clearly addresses women and says "You are beautiful as you are!" The Lynx ad, however, is talking to men, telling them "Women are beautiful when they look like this." So who are we supposed to believe? The ad directed at us or the one directed at our boyfriends and brothers? In all honesty, I find the ad as insulting and dangerous to men as to women. Not only does it dictate what women are supposed to look like but also what men are supposed to want.

Well, Laurie Penny is having none of it. She finds fault even with the Dove ad, saying "The message...is that before we can be happy, women have to feel 'beautiful'." I can certainly relate to this. I have always doubted my physical beauty. Tired of that, I decided about two months ago to be more creative with my outfits and jewelry (not the same ring and necklace every day) and take the time to do my makeup. My thought process was "If I can't be beautiful, at least I can feel beautiful." Sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't. The problem is sometimes I don't feel like planning an outfit or doing my makeup. I'd rather sleep in. Or I'd rather be comfortable when I spend the day in the library working on a paper or cuddled on my couch with a book. So on those days I'm more rested or more comfy, but I don't feel beautiful or even very good about myself.

And that's just ridiculous. 

Because I am me every day. And that's not something to sneeze at because I'm a pretty cool person, thank you very much. But it's not easy to be myself when I am worried about how I look. So maybe I don't need to focus on feeling physically attractive. Maybe I need to focus on living my life, loving my family and friends, writing my thesis, and reading as many novels I can get in before school starts back. Maybe I should focus on knowing that I am a beautiful person and not because of my hair, clothes, or makeup.

Here is a long excerpt from Penny's article that I found inspiring and wanted to share:

          "Rather than fighting for every woman's right to feel beautiful, I would like to see the return of a kind of feminism that tells women everywhere that maybe it's all right not to be pretty and perfectly well behaved. That maybe women who are plain, or large, or old, or differently abled, or who simply don't give a damn what they look like because they're too busy saving the world or rearranging their sock drawer, have as much right to take up space as anyone else.

          "I think if we want to take care of the next generation of girls we should reassure them that power, strength and character are more important than beauty and always will be, and that even if they aren't thin and pretty, they are still worthy of respect. That feeling is the birthright of men everywhere. It's about time we claimed it for ourselves."

And speaking of social pressures on women, I'd like to end with an image of what Barbie would look like if she were an average woman (since if the original Barbie were a real girl, her proportions would fit the criteria of anorexia). My mother sent me this article which describes how artist Nickolay Lamm used the measurements of an average 19-year-old to create a realistic model of Barbie.

   

What Makes a Woman Beautiful?

What Makes a Woman Beautiful?

 It occurs to me that I have titled this blog "Beautiful Women" without defining the term "beautiful." (I am assuming that "women" is pretty self-explanatory.) Obviously, I am using the word broadly to encompass all the women I love. But what makes these women beautiful?

 

Obviously, beauty is related to appearance and the Oxford English Dictionary (OED) provides such a definition first. According to this most trusted dictionary, beauty is "such combined perfection of form and charm of colouring as affords keen pleasure to the sense of sight."

 

So beautiful women are nice to look at.

And I do wish to point out that this is not a blog devoted to women who are beautiful on the inside but not on the outside because it simply is not true. I believe that EVERYONE, even those of us not satisfied with our bodies, can find something positive to say about them. I have already listed all the things I don't like about myself in previous posts, but what about what I appreciate about my appearance? I have an attractive smile and, as weird as it sounds, I think I have nice hands. I also have a very expressive face which I like about myself. It lets people know that I'm listening to them (or that I'm not) and that I care about what they're saying, even if I don't know how to respond.

But, of course, my primary interest in creating this blog is to change my focus away from my physical appearance to the things that really matter about myself. So the OED's second definition of beauty is of much greater interest to me.

Beauty is "that quality or combination of qualities which affords keen pleasure to other senses, or which charms the intellectual or moral faculties, through inherent grace, or fitness to a desired end."

According to this definition, women are beautiful when they have pleasing qualities. So beautiful women are clever, funny, kind, happy, graceful, goofy, loving, hard-working, brave, strong, good listeners, carefree, organized, sympathetic, creative, etc., etc., etc.

Now I can be highly grumpy and unpleasant when I'm stressed (which is pretty much anytime that I'm in school) but I do not know anyone who can be unpleasant ALL the time.

So, according to the most trusted dictionary in academia, every woman is beautiful!

Nerdy is the New Sexy!

Beautiful Women in Harry Potter

I came across this video about a week ago and I love it so much! I am a HUGE fan of the Harry Potter series. I also greatly admire J.K. Rowling. Not only did she write this fantastic series, but she is also an incredibly philanthropic and passionate woman. She financially supports charities devoted to MS and needy children, but she also used her talent and passion (writing) to let kids know that being smart, brave, and hard-working makes them beautiful. 

I also appreciate Rowling for her practicality and honesty in interviews. I think she showed a great deal of confidence and pride in her work through her involvement in the film series, such as insisting that all the actors and actresses be British. In addition, Rowling has been honest about mistakes that she made when dealing with publishers early in her career. For example, she has noted that she regrets allowing the first Harry Pottery book to be published in the U.S. as the Sorcerer's Stone rather than the Philosopher's Stone (it's title in the U.K.) but her position as a fledgling author caused her to comply.

Anyway, here is a delightful interview in which Rowling discusses the strong women in her series, including some less than beautiful ones (Bellatrix!).

 My personal favorite moment is when she discusses her childhood excitement when she discovered a heroine that was "plain" since she considered herself to be plain as well. I also LOVE when she discusses Hermoine who never compromised being smart for being liked or sexy. She was smart AND she was a woman (as finally noticed by Ron!) and there's nothing wrong with that. There have been many days when I have felt embarassed by the fact that I read for fun, enjoy learning, and do (most) of my homework on time. 

Well, all my Smart and Beautiful friends (because it's the same thing, isn't it?), there is NOTHING wrong with having "nerdy" interests. But that also does not mean we are better than our less nerdy friends (or enemies;). There is nothing wrong with being more interested in athletics, mechanics, music, or television. We need all sorts of people to make our society function. If some people didn't love playing football, then my mother would have no respite from my father on a fall Sunday afternoon! And if there weren't people who love fantasy novels, then Sean Bean would not be able to look good dying in film/TV adaptations of said novels. And nobody wants that to stop!

So, remember my Beautiful friends, nerdy is the new sexy!

Can we just take a moment to recognize how beautifully and epically awesome Molly Weasley is?

(p.s.the history major in me is pointing out that all my posts include images and videos that I find inspiring. I did not create them and I do not own them. I found them on google and pinterest. No copyright infringement or plagiarism intended!)

How Does It Make Them Feel?

 

Here is something I haven't thought about before. When I say "Ugh, I'm so fat" or "I shouldn't eat this" or "I hate my pointy nose", I am expressing my negative feelings about my physical appearance. But how does it make other people feel about themselves? 

I frequently list all my physical flaws for my boyfriend, Austin. I think my arms are fat. I think my thighs are fat. I have love handles. I have a pointy nose. I have a cow lick. My eyes are a boring color. This is what Austin likes to call "fishing for compliments". I say "I'm fat" so he'll say "No, you're not" just so I can NOT believe him anyway. Well, I have never really thought about how this makes HIM feel. I love Austin very much and would never knowingly hurt his feelings. But isn't that what I'm doing? Aren't I just saying "You have bad taste in women!" or "You're not good-looking enough yourself to get a pretty girlfriend" when I don't think any of these things are true. Worst of all, I am also telling Austin that I don't trust him by perpetually demanding that he tell me I have a perfect nose. Not to mention how EXHAUSTING it must be to say the same thing over and over again.

And here's something else I've noticed about the men in my life. They don't notice things until their women point them out. Example: Mother says "I got my hair done today", Daddy says "It looks great." So, WHY would I point out my flaws to Austin when he is probably not even going to notice them otherwise?! What happened to me being a smart cookie?

How does it make my mother feel? I got half of her genes (all the good ones, of course!). I think my mother is a Beatiful Woman and a lot of my Beauty (inside and out) comes from her.  Part of my mother's Beauty is that she is THE ultimate mother, which means she worries or feels guilty when something is not right for one of her babies. So, if I express the thought that I'm ugly, my poor mother is likely to feel like she didn't tell me I'm pretty and special enough times in my childhood. In fact, she told me EVERY SINGLE DAY. And my mother also raised me to believe that being smart, kind, and honest are a lot more important than what I'm wearing. (My dad did all this stuff too, but this is a blog about beautiful women so...)

Now for my friends. I have some great friends and we are all different shapes and sizes. I have often felt bad about myself when a girl that I considered thin complained about her size. It made me feel like I must be a hippo! But what about when I complain about my face and hair? For the most part, I have pretty clear skin and my hair is a nice color and texture. All of us have different complaints and different physical attributes. So when I point out what I consider my physical detriments, I could be unintentionally putting down another Beautiful Woman.

I never want to do anything to hurt others so this is just another reason to change the way I think and talk about what makes a woman Beautiful!

 I Am A Beautiful Woman

(I Just Don't Know It) 

“What you think about yourself is much more important than what others think of you.” ~ Marcus Annaeus Seneca

Kasey Edwards, author of a book called 30 Something and Over It, recently published an article called "When Your Mother Says She's Fat." You can find the article here and I strongly encourage everyone to read it. In a letter to her Mother, Kasey writes about the first time she learned to associate the word "fat" with her mother at the age of seven. In the same moment, she learned that fat was a synonym for ugly and horrible. She then describes the insecurity and anxiety that developed from growing up in a society that  "tells women that their beauty matters most, and at the same time defines a standard of beauty that is perpetually out of reach." 

Edwards ends the letter by expressing her fears for her 3-year old daughter Violet, still too young to know what makes a person "fat" or "ugly". She wrote, "I don't want Violet to believe that beauty is her most important asset, that it will define her worth in the world. When Violet looks to us to learn how to be a woman, we need to be the best role models we can. We need to show her with our words and our actions that women are good enough just the way they are. And for her to believe us, we need to believe it ourselves."

Articles like this one have been going around the internet. There is another good one here.
However, Edwards' article, in particular, inspired me. My sister-in-law, the mother of two boys, posted it to her facebook page with a comment about her personal pact to never disparage her appearance in front of her kids. She wrote, "They don't see me that way, they don't see ANYONE that way, and they won't unless I teach them to." Though I consider myself an aunt extraordinaire, I cannot say I have ever made any such pact. While I don't recall disparaging my looks to my nephews, I certainly have to my parents, my friends, and my boyfriend. And the worst part is I don't believe them when they tell me otherwise.

Reading this article, I realized something about myself that I didn't like. I have always considered myself a feminist. I wrote my undergraduate thesis about the pursuit of women's rights through art, and I received an assistantship for a master's program that pays my entire tuition plus a stipend. I'm a smart cookie and I work hard. I like stories about strong women and never fail to scowl at the frequent objectification of the female body in television and film (Could Uhura wear anything tighter or shorter?) My fellow graduate students and I enjoy mocking the undergraduate "uniform" on our campus. I have laughed many times to hear these girls, who seem to all dress alike in tight pants or short shorts, described as clones. 

And still I recognize myself in these undergraduates (though you'd NEVER catch me in something so tight or short: not with my thighs). I recognize myself in Kasey Edwards and her mother. Because all my many accomplishments mean nothing to me when I look in the mirror or step on the scale. All this leads me to the reason I am starting this blog:

I am a woman who believes that my worth in the world is tied to my looks 

and I don't want to be that kind of woman anymore.    

When something inspires us, I believe strongly that we should take that inspiration and run with it. So I am writing a blog that, I hope, will help me to recognize the true beauty in myself and others around me. Of course, I can tell myself all day long that true beauty is on the inside and I've got it. But, just as Edwards wrote to her mother, "we need to believe it ourselves." And I don't. My entire life, my parents have told me I'm beautiful and talented and special. For three and a half years, my boyfriend has told me I'm adorable and smart and caring. My oldest nephew says I'm "the best Caitie in the world." But it won't be real until I believe it. This is a commitment I am making to myself, but I need accountability. I am under no delusion that anyone will read this (outside my mother:) but just seeing the words on the screen builds my resolve: I am going to think differently about myself.

 This is not to say that I am going to start liking my pudgy places and chipped fingernails. I will continue to exercise and try to eat a balanced diet. I want to be rid of those problem spots and I want to live a healthy lifestyle so that I can live in my imperfect body long enough to accomplish everything I want to. This blog is not about accepting the "chubby" version of myself and pretending it's beautiful.

This blog is about changing my focus.  I live in this body. So I need to keep it functioning as smoothly as possible. And I need to feel like it's a comfortable and attractive place to live, just like my apartment. But the fact that I like cookies and wear a size 12 dress does not make me a failure. Maybe I choose the cookies when I know it's fattening and unhealthy, but I also choose NOT to eat meat because I am the kind of woman who doesn't want to cause pain to living creatures. I wear a size 12 dress but, more importantly, I am the kind of woman who shops second-hand or fair-trade most of the time because I believe in happy workers and a happy planet. 

I love animals. I love people. I love the Earth. That makes me a Beautiful Woman. Not my size 12 dress or the cardigan I wear to hide (what I believe to be) my fat arms.I know a lot of other Beautiful Women. I want them to know they are Beautiful to. I want to tell you about them. So, everyday I am going to write something that makes me Beautiful (modesty doesn't count:). And, as often as I can find the time, I want to write about other Beautiful Women in my life.